Have you noticed those billboards that have questions like, “Is your life where you want it to be? Have you accomplished what you thought you would bring about or wished to have obtained by this time, this year?” I had these questions today, and I carried out that no, my life is not where I want it to be. No, I have not achieved what I wanted to have achieved by this point this year. I mean, I am still struggling with things I was meant to do in January, so I think asking me about achieving my January to October plans is pushing it... just saying.
Do I get frustrated at times when things do not go my way? Yes, 100% Do I feel pressured by everyone’s expectations of me? You have no idea. I just smile, but in my head I am screaming, “Leave me alone.” I never thought I would see the day when suddenly almost everyone would be interested in finding out when I would get married and to whom. I meet my parents’ friends and most of them are like, “yes, call us now, we are ready.” Some touch my arms (the way you do to find out if an avocado is ripe) and are like, “ah yes, now just put on some more weight and get married.” Last time I checked, coming this close to someone and touching them like this would pass for trespass… Which makes it illegal… will work on getting a restraining order. Do all these make me bitter? Not at all.
You know why? Jesus is teaching me how to give him all my emotions because doing that empties me of myself, my doubts, and my short-sighted vision, and he gets to fill me up with his word, which is more powerful and more final than my emotions or any situation.
I remember back when I was a child, I used to be crazy dramatic. There was this one time I had an argument with my mother and I went to our sitting room and took an actual tablet and swallowed it. The tablet is meant to be chewed when one is having a stomach upset, and so due to my anger and sorrow, I knew that if I swallowed it whole instead of chewing it and took half a glass of water (instead of a full one) I would die. Yes… So I took the tablet and lay on the couch and waited to die. I woke up an hour later and since my plan had not worked, I shrugged my shoulders and went and played with my friends.
That is the one time I thank Jesus for foolishness. How we deal with our emotions, on the other hand, is what changes everything. I have been reading stories about teenagers and adults. My family includes people who have committed suicide for one reason or another. The reasons vary from personal issues to external assaults. The sad thing about all these is that we only get to know that they were troubled when they are gone. I have come to learn something about isolation that is directly from the pit of hell. When you are going through the storms of this life, one thing the devil does is he isolates you from everyone else.
He ensures that he cuts you off from all sources of encouragement and then feeds you with lies like no one loves you and no one will understand what you are going through or your sins are too deep. He blinds you to the fact that all you see is misery, and he uses that to drain life out of you. He intensifies the level of shame and condemnation and ensures that the seed of doubt is well planted in your mind and in your heart so you start doubting Jesus and His love. You start having crazy thoughts like, “If he really loved me, he would never have allowed this to happen.” Sooner or later, you start toying with the idea of leaving this world because you think that if you do, then people will be better off without you around. So like me, you take tablets, but unlike mine, yours actually work.
If I love you the way that God requires me to love you (selflessly, with His love in my heart), then I will be able to love you regardless of what you have done or where you have been. As a society, I think we have gone a little bit overboard with the “truth hurts” slogan. This is because “truth” without love is brutality and also “love” without truth is hypocrisy.
Truth served in love always equals wisdom and in the end triggers the change required. One policy I try to live by daily is to love as much as I can, to give hugs to those who need them, and to spend time with people by being there for them, because you never really know what people are going through until they show you their scars. Who knows? You might actually reach out and save someone who was on the verge of killing themselves.
Despite the fact that I do not have what I expected to have by this time last year, I do have a few things that I would not trade for anything: joy, a dream, and hope.They may not give you much value when you take them to the bank, but they give me enough peace to continue working hard towards my future and enough faith to know who holds it, because just like Sarah said it.
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