It is possible to find a lover for your flesh. I mean, it happens daily. That person who holds you when you want to be held and who agrees with you sensually. Intellectually, you are a perfect match and you can almost tell what the other person is thinking just by looking at them and also simply because you can be silly around this person and you can be sure they will not think you are crazy. If they do think you are crazy, you know they will not leave you, and it’s not because you threatened them.
Loving and being loved in return to me is a beautiful thing and feeling. When you meet someone you cannot imagine living without and marrying, this person is just out of this world.
All this is beautiful, but I got to the point in my life where I needed more. I needed someone who knew me. Not there with the mask that I put on when I don’t want people to know what is really going on with me. I needed someone who knew that still gets scared sometimes, that doesn’t always have it together, the part of me that is dysfunctional. Someone who knew the deepest part of my heart and what it yearns for most. Someone who I could run to and tell them that I am afraid, tell them that I am having trouble believing. Someone I could pour my heart out to and, instead of pushing me away or calling me needy, would hold me and promise to never leave me or forsake me.
I needed something more than the church god folk portrayed on Sundays only had tried religion, and that did not work because it gave me a list of Do’s and don’ts which only brought about the fear of me messing up, which ultimately would lead to backsliding and eternal damnation. I needed something more than "having good morals needed something more than the occasional "I Love You" that left as fast as it came.
I needed an intimate relationship... I needed a Savior who would wash me and sanctify me with His blood daily. I needed a friend who would stick closer than a brother; I needed an advocate who would stand by me when I got into trouble, knowingly or unknowingly, and no one else would defend me or bail me out. I needed a lover for my soul... Who could not only see me physically but also see right through my heart? Who could love me not only through my good but through my bad as well?
One who could help me pick up the pieces of my broken life and put them back together while talking to me about all my troubles and constantly reminding me that He loves me and of the beautiful plans that He has for me.
It was only when I met Jesus that all my needs were met. His love pulled down every stronghold in my mind and the walls around my heart. He did not just die for me, he gave me life. He gave me a new name and, above everything else, through His Spirit, I get to call the Almighty God, Yaweh, My Father. I have searched high and low but couldn’t find anybody greater than the Lover of my soul, Jesus Christ.
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