Unlike most people, I didn’t get saved in church, so no, it was not the moving sermon that made me realize that I needed to change my ways.
For me, it was deeper than that. A few months before I got saved, things had gone from weird to downright creepy. I would have so many dreams and close to all of them would happen the next day and as if that was not enough, I had this fear of being alone because anytime I happened to be alone I would feel a very strong presence in my room that came with so much brokenness and so I often cried myself to sleep. I later came to understand that all that time was the Holy Spirit of God convicting me of my sins and urging me to just let go of the struggles and just say yes to Jesus.
Of course, it was easier said than done and so the struggle continued, until one early morning when God showed me that I was actually on the highway headed to hell on a full tank. He showed me judgment day, and everyone was kneeling down, declaring His Lordship. At that very moment, I realized what was happening, and I wanted to accept him in my life, but it was too late. The line had already been drawn and I could see my mother and other people on the other side (going to heaven), but I was on the other side. The dream lasted 10 minutes but to me it seemed like hours and so I woke up and, being the heathen that I was, I was not sure if I was supposed to pray since I didn’t even know how people pray.
You see, God gives us something called free will. He presents himself before you and it is totally up to you to make the decision to either choose him or not. In Genesis, when Eve was being tempted, God heard the conversation and knew what was going on, but he could not interfere because before that he had already given man dominion and power, and so he had to let man make his own decision, and since he had already given the instruction, it was up to them to obey it or not. The same thing happens to us daily.
I eventually got saved. Actually, it happened on the same day that I had the dream. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but all I knew was that I wanted... no, needed Jesus in my life.The fear of whether I would remain saved for long was still lingering at the back of my mind, but one thing I was certain of was that I did not want to live the way I used to and that I just needed peace. The rest, I would deal with them on the way as they came. Jesus went above and beyond, showering me with beauty for my ashes, oil of joy for my mourning, and a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, all while calling me His own.
I started my journey with him, and he personally taught me about his will. He taught me the difference between His and Mine, and for some time, I thought to myself, "I’ve got this", until I went through a serious trial. The season was so intense that even when I tried to pray, all I did was cry. I stopped praying for promotions, favors, for my enemies to be scattered in seven different directions, and healing, but instead I just asked Him to assure me that I was still saved and for His will to prevail in my life.
On one particular day during that period, I was looking for a nail file because I wanted to do my nails and so I borrowed my sister’s. There were two nail files in her room. The smooth one that I wanted to use because it was really smooth on the edges and it did an awesome job, plus it had the ability to even remove dirt from underneath the nails. But there was another nail file that did the same job, was equally nice, but it was rough on the edges and it also hurt my skin. The rough nail file was the one I found first, because I was in such a hurry that I did not have enough time to look for the smooth one (the one I wanted in the first place), so I used it and yes, it hurt my nails.
It was at that very moment, with both nail files in my hand, that God ministered to me about His Will. He revealed to me that when it comes to the decisions we make, at times we make them in such haste without seeking Him first that we miss out on His very best for us. The choices we make may indeed fit the situation or circumstance we are in, but they may not be the best for us because we only see what is around us, while God sees the effect that the decision will have on our future.
Throughout this entire period, I learnt one important lesson: with God, I don’t always have to understand everything that is going on with me or around me. I learnt to simply trust Him through it all and to believe that as long as He is in control, everything will be okay. He proved to me that as long as I trust him to guide me, he will never leave me in misery and make mistakes. What he said in his words are true because he kept him at peace and fixed his mind on him.
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